Sunsquatch Sighting: Kingston Elementary School
Recently, I sat down to speak with someone who claims to not only have seen Sunsquatch, but to have gotten a hug from them. The tip came in from one Stacy Brown, Climate Educator from ReVision Energy. The interviewees are her students at a New Hampshire elementary school. As you will see, I think I need to find a way to anticipate Sunsquatch’s next move, instead of chasing after calls.
Conversation #1:
Me: [Sitting down at a desk with a furtive-looking student] Hey there! I –
Student: Thank you for meeting with me on this urgent, and sensitive matter.
Me: Oh! Yes, of… of course – likewise! Could you state your name and age for the record?
Student: Can’t disclose it. [As we speak, the student is fiddling with some bits and pieces on their desk that look like scraps of cardboard and pennies.]
Me: Sensible. And can you tell me what you saw this morning with your class?
Student: [Grimaces] They didn’t all see it. Lucky. It will haunt my nightmares.
Me: [Horrified] What??
Student: It was large, and dangerous, and oh, the smell…
Me: Dangerous? Are you – are you sure? Dangerous, how?
Student: It could crush you under its wheels without a speck of remorse!
Other Student: [Approaching our desk] Noah, would you shut up about the septic truck already?
Noah: Shhhh! Don’t reveal my identity!
Me: Ahhh.
Conversation #2:
Me: Can you tell me what you saw this morning? To be clear, I’m speaking of the large furry creature that goes by the name Sunsquatch.
Other Student (Sophia): This morning? They were just here, literally like three minutes ago…
Me: [Jumping out of my seat] Where??
Sophia: …but then they disappeared back into the woods, so we all came back in.
Me: Did anyone get any pictures?
Sophia: You’re one of those grownups that can’t go anywhere without their phone, aren’t you?
Me: Well, look, I… use it for navigating. You don’t drive yet, I imagine, so… Anyways. [Deep, calming breath.] Tell me about Sunsquatch.
Sophia: Well, it happened when we were outside to take the temperatures of the vase. We were all –
Me: Sorry – temperature of a vase?
Sophia: Yeahhh? To show the greenhouse effect. The thermometer in the vase heats up more in the sun than the one outside because the plastic blocks the heat energy from getting back out, like the earth’s atmosphere does. [Squints] Did you not go to fifth grade or something?
Me: [Ignoring that hurtful jibe] So the greenhouse effect is bad, right?
Noah: [Snorts derisively, while stacking the cardboard and pennies on their desk into an alternating pile.]
Sophia: Yes, and no. It makes the earth inhabitable, but because we put too many greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, they hold too much heat in and it’s getting too hot. I thought you wanted to hear about Sunsquatch.
Me: Please.
Sophia: They were big and furry.
Me: …That’s it?
Sophia: I got a hug?
Noah: [Mutters, tinkering with the pennies] Wasting your time…
Me: And what’s that you’re making there?
Noah: A battery. [Holds up the stack of pennies, with the tabs of an LED light clamped to either side. To my surprise, it lights up a bright, fantastic yellow.]
Me: [Astonished] It works! Maybe I did miss fifth grade after all…
